


the wrong light

by shobiosupremacy



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst Warning, Did I Mention Agnst?, Kageyama Tobio Angst, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Sad Kageyama Tobio, Sadness, TRIGER WARNING, This is my second fic, actually no not really, i kinda cried while writing this, i was in a sad mood so i transferred that to this, im so sorry, im sorry., kinda cannon complient, literal tears, mention of not eating, oh yea possible manga spoilers for kageyama's childhood, suicide warning, tear - Freeform, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:28:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28640769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shobiosupremacy/pseuds/shobiosupremacy
Summary: A volleyball rolled softly in his direction. Abandoning his favorite toy, a three-year-old Tobio crawled over to the large ball that stilled in front of him. Without even thinking, he grabbed the ball, worn leather met his mouth, and he was drooling all over it. The shocked eyes of his sister and grandfather met his own. Tobio did not understand at the time what was so exciting, but then again he was three years old. What really did he understand?Three years later, Tobio is living a colorful life full of passion, volleyball, and family. Tobio, who is now six years old is waiting with his grandfather for his parents to come home from work whilst watching a volleyball game on the television. There are two chairs pulled out, and two bowls with pork curry and egg on top. His absolute favorite! He asks his grandfather what position in the sport gets the most contact with the volleyball. The elder Kageyama responded with a simple “the setter”, and from that moment on Tobio knew that was the position he was destined to play.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 7
Kudos: 88





	the wrong light

**Author's Note:**

> HI GUYS SORRY IN ADVANCE. THE STORY IS KINDA CANNON COMPLIANT, BUT I ADDED A TON OF MY OWN SCENES AND HEADCANNONS SO IT'S KINDA ALSO HALF AND HALF. THIS IS MY SECOND FANFIC SO PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I HAVE ANY GRAMMAR MISTAKES AND IF YOU LIKE IT! SEEING UR KUDOS AND COMMENTS MAKE ME REALLY HAPPY!! IVE BEEN IN KIND OF A SLUMP THIS WEEK, AND I THOUGHT PUTTING MY SAD EMOTIONS THROUGH AN AGNST WRITING WOULD BE SO GOOD FOR ME, WHICH IT ACTUALLY HELPED A TON! OK IM GOING TO GO TAKE A WALK OR SOMETHING. ENJOY!!

A volleyball rolled softly in his direction. Abandoning his favorite toy, a three-year-old Tobio crawled over to the large ball that stilled in front of him. Without even thinking he grabbed the ball, worn leather met his mouth, and he was drooling all over it. The shocked eyes of his sister and grandfather met his own. Tobio did not understand at the time what was so exciting, but then again he was three years old. What really did he understand?

Three years later, Tobio is living a colorful life full of passion, volleyball, and family. Tobio, who is now six years old is waiting with his grandfather for his parents to come home from work whilst watching a volleyball game on the television. There are two chairs pulled out, and two bowls with pork curry and egg on top. His absolute favorite! He asks his grandfather what position in the sport gets the most contact with the volleyball. The elder Kageyama responded with a simple “the setter”, and from that moment on Tobio knew that was the position he was destined to play.

Four years later, a now ten-year-old Tobio was experiencing true sadness for the first time. His parents, who were both very successful lawyers at a powerful firm were stationed in the United States. It was an amazing job opportunity for them, and after a little deliberation, they decided to move across the world. Except, the only people moving were Tobio’s mother and father, leaving behind their sixteen-year-old daughter and ten-year-old son.

His parents sent letters weekly at first and always made sure the bills were paid and called as much as possible, yet as time went on weekly letters became monthly letters, which then dwindled down to no letters. The only way that Tobio knew his parents were still alive was from the bills being paid, and the 21,000 yen being added to Miwa and Tobio’s joint bank account for food. 

Tobio was still a somewhat happy kid. He had his grandfather, Miwa, and volleyball. The three most important things to him. So he held his head up high. Besides, today was his first day at Kitagawa First, he had no time to feel sorry for himself. He was going to have amazing upperclassmen to learn techniques from, and he was attending a volleyball powerhouse school. 

Turns out his upperclassmen, specifically Oikawa, were not all that cool. “What's the point of being a team captain, if you aren’t going to teach your underclassmen.” Tobio thought to himself. Not that Oikawa wasn't teaching the other club members, he just refused to teach Tobio. That was fine though, Tobio would just adjust and learn everything he needed by watching. 

Six months later Miwa graduated from her high school. She picked a beauty school in Tokyo, thus quitting volleyball so that she could study hairdressing. Tobio had to admit he was a little hurt that he and his sister no longer shared the same passion for the sport, but he had enough passion for the both of them a few times over. 

What Tobio, who had no sense of geography, did not realize was that Tokyo was a five and a half-hour drive from Miyagi. Now that Miwa had moved out, the house had become quieter. His grandfather still visited him every night and cooked him dinner, but sleeping in an empty house always made Tobio feel lonely, yet he held his head up high and focused on the fact that he had his grandfather and volleyball.

Today Tobio was finally going to ask Oikawa how to do the jump serve. Tobio had been hesitant on asking Oikawa for advice for the response he always got was a finger under the eye and a tongue being stuck out while being called a loser idiot in a snarky voice. Tobio did not understand what Oikawa had against him.

Tobio left the gym that day with a red mark the shape of Oikawa’s hand over his left eye, and tears streaming down his cheeks. Tobio never really registered the pain on his face, only the pain he felt in his heart. Why did he deserve to be slapped for asking his upperclassmen to teach him something? Did he deserve to be slapped? He pondered this for a twenty-minute walk from Kitagawa First to his home. He walked inside, slipped out of his sneakers, and into his pair of house slippers. On the kitchen counter, he found a bag of food and a note from his grandfather. Apparently, he had another doctor's appointment, and would not be able to come home in time to cook him something. Tobio’s grandfather had been having several doctor's appointments lately, but surely that was something that had to come with old age, right?

Wrong.

Kageyama walked home from another awkward practice session with Oikawa and the rest of the team. Oikawa was not even looking at him anymore! If anything Tobio should have been upset, but then again, he obviously had to have done something to deserve it. Before he knew it, Tobio was home. He walked inside and was hit in the face with one of the best smells on the entire planet. His grandfather’s pork curry with egg on top. He changed his shoes and walked inside of the living area to find two chairs pulled out, the television playing one of his favorite matches, and a somewhat serious-looking grandfather sitting at the table. 

Chondrosarcoma. Tobio thought that it was a really big word. It sounded pretty scary. Apparently, it is a form of cancer that is resistant to chemotherapy and radiotherapy. More big words. Vocabulary was never Tobio’s favorite subject. With such a late diagnosis, and his grandfather's staggering age, it was likely he would never recover from this. In a few week's time, the elder Kageyama had moved into a long-term care facility. Miwa was unable to come home to help out with the moving, apparently learning the directionality of curls was far more important than her ailing grandfather. 

Tobio started to leave practice an hour early so that he could visit his grandfather in the hospital. His teammates would snicker at him, including Oikawa, who would always throw in a snarky comment, because apparently, he was over whatever had happened two months prior. 

It was a chilly December 20th. Tobio was definitely running at least an hour late to his practice. He did not have time to sulk about his grandfather’s death, so he ran from the memorial, with no one to stop him, for Miwa was held up in Tokyo and his parents had been radio silent. He finally made it to the gymnasium, slipped into his court sneakers, and walked inside. He was about to apologize to his coaches for showing up late when he felt every eye in the gymnasium on him. Apparently walking onto a volleyball court in a full black tuxedo is odd. Then Oikawa decided to pipe in with a “What's wrong with your face?” He reached a hand to his cheek reflexively and discovered foreign wetness. If Tobio had been crying this whole time he would not have noticed it. Without a word, he walked into the locker room, changed into his workout clothing, and began to practice as usual. If his teammates noticed the tears trickling down his face with each set, they didn't say anything.

Halfway through his second year of middle school, Tobio has isolated himself from the rest of the world. His once colorful and passionate life is now black and white. He no longer finds the joy in living, the immaculate taste of pork curry with egg on top, the occasional text from his sister, the one passed quiz amongst five failed tests, and the jump serves that he actually lands. The bin full of volleyball games remains untouched, the chair where his grandfather sat always pulled out, facing a blank screen. Tobio’s fridge remains empty, for each day he just buys a bento from the local market, even though he rarely finishes it. Tobio has completely thrown himself into training and volleyball. 

Fast forward to his third year in middle school, and Tobio is given the wretched nickname “King of the Court.” Of course, at this time he thought it meant he was a strong player, with exceptional abilities.

His tournaments pass by with a flash of orange.

And about the nickname, he could not have been more wrong.

Benched. As in put on the bench. As in no longer on the court. As in being abandoned by his team. As in silently crying with a towel over his head to cover to tears. As in wondering where he went wrong.

When was the wall built between him and his teammates, or was it already there? He just wanted to win this tournament, and make his grandfather proud. Why couldn't his teammates just run a little bit faster? Just jump a little bit higher. They are all good, and they all have the potential, they just won't put in the work.

One failed the entrance exam, and another barely passed entrance exam later, Tobio finds himself in Karasuno’s second gym, the gym where the boy’s volleyball team plays.

Another bright flash of orange, a scary team captain, a mischievous vice-captain, a light-haired beanpole jerk, and his dark-haired apprentice, some interesting second years, a big softie, and a coach later, the Karasuno boys volleyball team is complete, yet he doesn't feel as though he belongs. Tobio had been putting a safe distance between himself and his teammates out of fear of abandonment. He couldn't lose anyone else, if he had nobody, right?

Although as time went on, the sheer intensity of bright orange hair became harder to ignore.  
“Kageyama toss to me!” “Kageyama you jerk” “So stingy Kageyama!”  
Somebody else was getting too close. Hinata was just another person for the universe to rip from him. It wasn't fair that the universe got to do all of the taking, it was Tobio’s turn.

Thus he began to find himself on the rooftop during his lunch period. The fall was about five stories, he’d land on the concrete sidewalk in front of the second gymnasium. He’d die at the place he loved most; the volleyball court. Yet he could never bring himself to actually jump.

One grueling tournament and a devastating loss later, Tobio finds himself alone, in his room wondering where everything went wrong. He spent the majority of the night wondering if he had just practiced one more set, if he had just opted not to visit his grandfather, if he skipped the funeral, if he just never texted Miwa, if he never put the effort in to contact his parents, then maybe, just maybe he would have won, would have beaten Oikawa, would have seen the world in more than just hues of black and white, with splashes of orange. And he absolutely hated himself for these thoughts. 

Volleyball was all that he had left, and he could not even win one tournament. He was worthless. He did not deserve to be standing on the court. 

The next day before class he turned in his official resignation to Coach Takeda. During lunch hour, he found himself on the roof once again. Now he truly had nothing to live for. He made his way to the ledge, putting his hands on the railing and beginning to push himself off of the ground. 

“I have no family.” One leg over the ledge.

“I have nobody.”. His other leg over the ledge.

All it would take is for him to let go of the ledge, and he would fall to his death. The end was so close, it was almost like the light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel, and this light was just so appealing to Tobio. 

His grip on the ledge began to loosen, he felt himself slipping in slow motion getting closer to the bright light.

“Hey, Kageyama! I saw you come up here before lunch and I just wanted to make sure that you were ok after yesterday- OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU -”

Kageyama looked up while he was falling. A bright flash of orange screaming his name. The bright orange that with every second got further and further away until there was no light at all. 

He chose the wrong light.


End file.
